Brad Hopkins (evil_admiral) wrote in gayromantics,
Brad Hopkins
evil_admiral
gayromantics

Confusion.

Alright, be forewarned that this post may be more to rant and vent moreso than actually attract advice.

With that out of the way I will begin.  I have a friend a friend, and well, I have a big crush/infatuation on him, and I cannot get it out of my system.  I guess it would be understood better if I explained the history between us.

Alright, I broke up with my ex in early November.  A few days later I was in student government and passing around a petition for my school's unofficial GSA (don't get me started) and my friend (though this was the first time I met him) came by and said that he would sign the petition, and that he would like to get more involved in the gsa but was already spread pretty thin.  At the time I picked up something off of him, but I was weary since my gaydar had picked up false readings off of "gay" straight guys before (though another friend later confirmeed that he had told her and other girls that he was gay).  The next day I encountered him (and he remembered who I was), asked him out for coffee later that evening to which hew agreed.  We had our coffee, and we got along great.  It went along like this for the next few weeks, and I was getting ambiguous signals as to whether he wanted to go out or not.

So, there we were the week before finals, in student government.  I casually mentioned that I had a final the next day and that I would be up studying (damn Shakespeare.).  Later that night, about 1:15 in the morning, I got a call on my cell from my friend asking if he could use the spare internet connection in my room as he was a commuter and had only dial-up at home, and that the library closed at 12pm (I had a vacant internet connection, yay homophobic ex-roommate).  So I let him into the dorm, and once in my room he got out his laptop and tried to work, but we both ended up talking way into the morning about everything.  At that time I wanted to just kiss him and then let nature take its course  (though I didn't necessarily want sex at this early a point), but luckily before he did he told me that he just wanted to be friends, and that even though I was great I just wasn't his "type" (strong and muscular, I am only average and have a few muscles but I am in good shape).  So the line had been set.  But we get along great, are both geeky (and have a lot of the same geeky interests like Star Trek and math), and he may become an Econ major like me.

Fast forward to this past Wednesday.  Over Christmas break I had been going to youth organization in Atlanta, and I wanted to share it with the people I knew at Berry.  Unfortunately Men's Chior was the same night as the organization's group meetings, and only my friend and I were able to go.  So we carpooled down to Atlanta.  To tell the truth, we both looked very good that night.  Anyways, on the ride to and from Berry we just had a great time in the car.  After the group meeting the two of us went to a restaurant in Midtown Atlanta that I know of (its specialty is catering to the GLBT community), and we had a fun time, and we got to learn more about eachother.

Today he called me and asked if I would go with him to lunch (even though I had already eaten earlier).  We had a good time, and after that he came back to my room and we watched Star Trek: First Contact.

I really like him, I do.  And I wish we could be more than just friends.  I mean he is everything I am looking for in a guy: great looking (very twink-ish), smart, mature, geeky, nice and sweet, just overall adorable.  We both get along very well and have great chemistry (one guy at the group meeting even asked us if we were both together), and we are very much on the same wavelength.  We both have the same ideas about relationships (sex only inside a relationship, emotional intimacy first then sexual intimacy), we both want the same things in a Mr. Right someday (someone mature, committed, smart, and who wants kids), we are both gay but not culturally "gay" (except we both have an impeccable sense of fashion, and I love The Golden Girls and The Nanny, and we both get along great with our girl friends), and we are both currently single.

I know the boundaries have been established between us as only friends (though I would like it to be more).  I really do like him.  But he is one of the few irl gay friends who I have and get along with well, and I would like to keep the friendship.  Then again I would just like to kiss him on the lips sometimes and see if well, he kisses back.  Maybe its for the best if he meets someone at UGA this weekend....

Thanks for listening.  -Brad
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
  • 4 comments
This is sweet! However, I have to be the Devil's Advocate...

Your perfect for each other except in one way. He seems quite shallow if he can't date a guy whos only average. So you have to be muscular? Good luck for him, 'most' of those guys are quiet shallow.

Who knows, maybe he wanted to start out slow? Maybe he is serious about the friends only? However, don't dwell on it, it wont do you any good. There's always another guy, and who knows, the next might be what your looking for as well as you being what he is looking for!
He seems quite shallow if he can't date a guy whos only average. So you have to be muscular? Good luck for him, 'most' of those guys are quiet shallow.

That is beginning to be a trend I am seeing in the few geeky gay men my age who I have met. They want thin, muscular, athletic, in addition to the person being smart and mature (good luck finding that in a jock). They don't seem to usually want a geek. While this isn't true 100% of the time, we would say in Econometrics that "there is a strong correlation between the data."

Good luck for him, 'most' of those guys are quiet shallow.

Oh no, he is very attractive and I am not the only one who thinks so . He could have the pick of any gay man he wanted if he was in the right (target rich) environment. As another friend once said abouty this particular friend, "He's too cute for his own good."

Who knows, maybe he wanted to start out slow? Maybe he is serious about the friends only?

I have no clue. With me the flirting/hitting on process went on over about six weeks, including hanging out a bit after SGA meetings, going to GSA events, and doing other things. Though now after the whole "I just want to be friends" thing I have apparently been the first person he would call to do a lot of stuff. I mean an entire floor of one of the women's residence halls loves him to death, and he calls me first thing for a lot of stuff.

However, don't dwell on it, it wont do you any good. There's always another guy, and who knows, the next might be what your looking for as well as you being what he is looking for!

Forgive me if I sound less than optimistic. With my friend here I now have literally worked through the pool of (all six including myself) out gay men here at Berry (though there are another half-dozen or so uber-religious closet cases, but I am not touching them). Some were already friends and I didn't seriously flirt with them, others I tried and did not succeed with. It took a chance Live Journal encounter to bring my first bf and I together. I am now getting out into Atlanta, but so far have not really met anyone shares a mutual interest in geeky guys, and frankly I am skeptical that I will meet anyone who values the same traits I do (much less go on a singular date) before I hit 30 at this point.

Though there is another college in Rome, and it has an emphasis on the arts (rumor has it that a straight man is hard to find there, and ironically it is controlled by the baptists...). Then there is going to a larger school for grad school, though that is a year and a half away. Those two things present good dating options, however with my luck so far I am not holding my breath.

I am just so optimistic, aren't I? :) =P

Well, I come across your journal while have on one of my "wasting time looking through my LJ friends' journals even though I should go study." Anyways, *Geez, it's hard to explain on LJ* I just wanted to let you know that I am listening to you, even though I don't know what to say.

Sincerely,

Your friend
Aw, its ok. I knwo I am asking really difficult questions right now.

A psych friend explained that my whole thing with this guy is probably becasue of several things including ego, us being nice to each other, and just the nature of gay men.