Brad Hopkins (evil_admiral) wrote in gayromantics,
Brad Hopkins
evil_admiral
gayromantics

Confusion.

Alright, be forewarned that this post may be more to rant and vent moreso than actually attract advice.

With that out of the way I will begin.  I have a friend a friend, and well, I have a big crush/infatuation on him, and I cannot get it out of my system.  I guess it would be understood better if I explained the history between us.

Alright, I broke up with my ex in early November.  A few days later I was in student government and passing around a petition for my school's unofficial GSA (don't get me started) and my friend (though this was the first time I met him) came by and said that he would sign the petition, and that he would like to get more involved in the gsa but was already spread pretty thin.  At the time I picked up something off of him, but I was weary since my gaydar had picked up false readings off of "gay" straight guys before (though another friend later confirmeed that he had told her and other girls that he was gay).  The next day I encountered him (and he remembered who I was), asked him out for coffee later that evening to which hew agreed.  We had our coffee, and we got along great.  It went along like this for the next few weeks, and I was getting ambiguous signals as to whether he wanted to go out or not.

So, there we were the week before finals, in student government.  I casually mentioned that I had a final the next day and that I would be up studying (damn Shakespeare.).  Later that night, about 1:15 in the morning, I got a call on my cell from my friend asking if he could use the spare internet connection in my room as he was a commuter and had only dial-up at home, and that the library closed at 12pm (I had a vacant internet connection, yay homophobic ex-roommate).  So I let him into the dorm, and once in my room he got out his laptop and tried to work, but we both ended up talking way into the morning about everything.  At that time I wanted to just kiss him and then let nature take its course  (though I didn't necessarily want sex at this early a point), but luckily before he did he told me that he just wanted to be friends, and that even though I was great I just wasn't his "type" (strong and muscular, I am only average and have a few muscles but I am in good shape).  So the line had been set.  But we get along great, are both geeky (and have a lot of the same geeky interests like Star Trek and math), and he may become an Econ major like me.

Fast forward to this past Wednesday.  Over Christmas break I had been going to youth organization in Atlanta, and I wanted to share it with the people I knew at Berry.  Unfortunately Men's Chior was the same night as the organization's group meetings, and only my friend and I were able to go.  So we carpooled down to Atlanta.  To tell the truth, we both looked very good that night.  Anyways, on the ride to and from Berry we just had a great time in the car.  After the group meeting the two of us went to a restaurant in Midtown Atlanta that I know of (its specialty is catering to the GLBT community), and we had a fun time, and we got to learn more about eachother.

Today he called me and asked if I would go with him to lunch (even though I had already eaten earlier).  We had a good time, and after that he came back to my room and we watched Star Trek: First Contact.

I really like him, I do.  And I wish we could be more than just friends.  I mean he is everything I am looking for in a guy: great looking (very twink-ish), smart, mature, geeky, nice and sweet, just overall adorable.  We both get along very well and have great chemistry (one guy at the group meeting even asked us if we were both together), and we are very much on the same wavelength.  We both have the same ideas about relationships (sex only inside a relationship, emotional intimacy first then sexual intimacy), we both want the same things in a Mr. Right someday (someone mature, committed, smart, and who wants kids), we are both gay but not culturally "gay" (except we both have an impeccable sense of fashion, and I love The Golden Girls and The Nanny, and we both get along great with our girl friends), and we are both currently single.

I know the boundaries have been established between us as only friends (though I would like it to be more).  I really do like him.  But he is one of the few irl gay friends who I have and get along with well, and I would like to keep the friendship.  Then again I would just like to kiss him on the lips sometimes and see if well, he kisses back.  Maybe its for the best if he meets someone at UGA this weekend....

Thanks for listening.  -Brad
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